Self-sabotage behaviors are actions or thought patterns that prevent us from achieving our goals, often without us realizing it. These behaviors can affect various aspects of life, including relationships, careers, and personal growth.

Despite wanting success or happiness, people sometimes engage in behaviors that hinder their progress, often driven by underlying fears, insecurities, and unresolved issues. 

To outsiders, watching someone engage in self-sabotage behaviors can be extremely frustrating. After a while, the person’s support system may pull away, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy where an individual’s predictions become their reality based on certain actions they take. 

For example, let’s say that your sister is in an emotionally abusive relationship. She tells you that she wants out but needs to save money first. However, when she does this, she doesn’t take the initiative to leave. Deep down, your sister has a fear of rejection and believes that if she leaves her boyfriend, she’ll never find anyone else. When you distance yourself from the situation, it “confirms” to her that her boyfriend is the only person who cares about her. 

Whether you are watching someone engage in self-sabotage behaviors, or you are engaging in them yourself, it’s important to have perspective on the issue. Fortunately, these behaviors can be broken and replaced by healthier ones. 

What Is Self-Sabotage? 

Self-sabotage occurs when a person undermines their own goals or well-being through destructive behaviors, habits, or thought processes. It often stems from deep-rooted fears such as fear of failure, fear of success, or fear of rejection. These fears lead individuals to act in ways that protect them from perceived threats, even when those acts are detrimental to their health and well-being. 

It’s important to know that self-sabotage is not always a conscious thing. People can engage in this behavior without knowing it and continue to struggle when they aren’t achieving what they want out of life. However, some people are fully aware that they are undermining themselves but feel powerless to stop. 

What are Common Self-Sabotage Behaviors? 

So what do self-sabotage behaviors look like? Here are some examples: 

Procrastination 

Procrastination is one of the most common self-sabotage behaviors. It occurs when you put off tasks or decisions, even when you know that they are important. This often leads to stress, missed opportunities, and a feeling of underachievement. Procrastination often stems from a fear of failure, perfectionism, or feeling overwhelmed by the task at hand. 

Perfectionism 

The need to do things perfectly is perfectionism. While striving for excellence can be a positive trait, perfectionism can paralyze you from taking action. Perfectionists set unattainably high standards for themselves, and the fear of falling short can prevent them from even starting. Perfectionism often masks a fear of judgment or rejection.

Negative Self-Talk 

Negative self-talk is the habit of telling yourself you aren’t good enough, smart enough, or deserving of success. These critical inner dialogues can sap motivation and lead to self-doubt. This behavior is often rooted in low self-esteem or past childhood experiences where you may have internalized negative messages. 

Substance Use

Engaging in drug or alcohol use can be a form of self-sabotage. Not only is this behavior dangerous, but also it can lead to secondary problems such as legal troubles, relationship conflicts, and job loss. Often, substance use serves as a coping mechanism for underlying emotional pain, anxiety, or unresolved trauma. This behavior provides temporary relief but often leads to long-term consequences.  

Over-Commitment 

Taking on too many responsibilities or agreeing to do things you don’t want to do can be a form of self-sabotage. By over-committing, you spread yourself too thin and leave little time and energy for pursuing your own goals. Over-committing typically stems from a desire to please others, fear of disappointing people, or avoidance of your own goals. 

Fear of Failure 

People who fear failure often avoid taking risks or setting ambitious goals. They stay in their comfort zone, even when they want more out of their life because the idea of failing is too painful. Fear of failure is often linked to past experiences of disappointment or criticism. Rather than face the fear of failure, some people self-sabotage by not trying at all. 

Self-Isolation 

Self-isolation involves withdrawing from social relationships, either out of fear of rejection or a belief that you don’t deserve to be close to others. This can lead to loneliness and a lack of support when facing challenges. People who have experienced trauma, rejection, or abandonment may isolate themselves to avoid emotional pain. 

Not Setting Boundaries 

Failing to set boundaries in relationships, work, or life can be a form of self-sabotage. Without boundaries, it is easy to feel overwhelmed, taken advantage of, or resentful. People who struggle with boundary setting often fear conflict or disappointing others, causing them to overextend themselves and neglect their own needs, leading to burnout and dissatisfaction. 

Stop Self-Sabotage 

Are you engaging in self-sabotage behaviors? Chat with Awakenings Treatment Center about what you are going through and your options for treatment. Our recovery center treats substance use disorders, mental health disorders, eating disorders, unresolved trauma, and more. Not only do we provide therapy and medication, but we also help our clients develop coping tools to help them better manage their lives. With the right support, anything is possible!