But what happens when that feeling fades? When life gets lifey? When the alarm clock rings too early when the weather is bad and we don’t feel so great? That is when compassionate discipline steps in to support us.
Motivation is the spark, but compassionate discipline is the fuel that keeps the fire burning. When we rely on motivation, we set ourselves up for inconsistency. Some days, we’ll feel like working out, practicing meditation, or writing that book. On other days, we won’t.
And if we wait for motivation to return, we may find ourselves stuck in an endless cycle of starting and stopping. In that process we may begin to speak to ourselves in a defeatist manner – instead of remembering that every journey is a messy, sloppy zig-zag, there are no straight lines to progress!
Compassionate discipline is different. Discipline says, “I do this because it matters to me, whether I feel like it or not.” It’s about commitment to a bigger goal, regardless of how we feel “at the moment.”
While motivation is unreliable, discipline is unwavering and self-compassion keeps us feeling supported. It doesn’t care about our moods, distractions, or excuses.
It simply asks: “Will you show up today?” So how do we lean into self-compassionate discipline instead of relying on fickle motivation or berating ourselves – which will NEVER work?
Deepen Personal Discipline with Self-Compassion as the Lever
1. Create a Mantra That Supports You
The words we repeat to ourselves shape our actions. A personal mantra can act as an anchor on tough days. It’s our leverage when it’s been raining for 5 days straight, or we didn’t sleep well the night before. Simple is better, but humor works too!
- “Just Show Up”
- “I Love Myself, Let’s Go!”
- “This is Bullshit, Let’s Go Anyway.”
When discipline feels hard, repeat your mantra, as many times as needed!
2. Build a Tribe of People Who Would Miss You If You’re Not There
Discipline is easier (and more fun!) when we’re accountable to others. Find a group of like-minded friends who will notice if you don’t show up—friends at the gym, a writing group, a mentor, or an online community. When others expect you to be there, skipping feels like breaking a promise. Surround yourself with people who inspire you. And you’ll soon realize that you are doing the same for them!
3. Make Discipline Routine, Reasonable and Manageable
One of the biggest mistakes people make is setting goals that are too extreme. This is a sneaky form of perfectionism and it will create overwhelm almost instantly.
Discipline thrives on sustainability. Instead of committing to running five miles a day when you’ve never jogged before, start with walking one mile. Or a half mile. Instead of writing for two hours, start with 15 minutes.
Make it so easy that it almost seems silly.
The key is consistency. If something fits naturally into your routine, it’s no longer a question of “if” but “when.” By making your desired activities reasonable and manageable, you reduce the mental resistance and rigid perfectionism that leads to quitting.
Motivation may get you started, but discipline keeps you going, while compassion ensures your self-talk remains supportive. It’s what separates those who dream from those who achieve. By creating a mantra, building a tribe, and making gentle discipline a natural part of your life, you set yourself up for lasting success and fun doing it!
So, the next time you don’t feel like showing up, don’t wait for motivation. Choose discipline.
Choose yourself. Remember your mantra. Because in the end, the results don’t come from what we do occasionally—they come from what we do consistently, with kindness and compassion for ourselves and others!
And sometimes, it’s important to stay home under the covers and snuggle up! Rest is part of every important process to which we’ve ever set our hearts. But when those occasional days happen, you’ll know it—and it will feel different from abandoning your goals.
